Business and Campus Speak

As I wrote in my newest article, The Preliminary-Hearing Swindle (forthcoming), I’m sometimes embarrassed, for my profession, by the judiciary’s blatant disregard of the law.  But despite that, the law is still, sort of, a profession.  And in that regard it stands in stark contrast to “business” and “academia,” which are not professions.  What differentiates a profession from a faux or wanna-be profession?  One thing is that the wanna-be crowd often uses unnecessary, nonsensical language and goofy buzzwords to give the impression of specialized knowledge.  

Fear and Excitement at Marquette

I'll start with the excitement.  Firing Coach Wojo was good news.  Seven years is enough time to try and win a single NCAA tournament game, and he failed.  (Don't worry about Wojo; he made enough money at MU to take care of himself for the rest of his life.)  And there's even more excitement: MU hired Shaka Smart as our new head coach.  I am convinced he'll bring an exciting brand of ball to MU, and I think that in many ways MU is more like VCU than UT, so I'm hopeful he'll be able to replicate his early-career success.  Exciting times are ahead!

So what am I afraid of?  The end of Marquette University itself.  It all started when Marquette got rid of its Indian mascot out of fear of possible offensiveness.  There were two problems with that decision.  First, why should offensiveness be the test?  Offensiveness is not discrimination and, for a variety of reasons, universities should not strive to be inoffensive.  Second, the Marquette fans who witnessed the killing of the mascot no doubt rhetorically asked: "If they're getting rid of our mascot, what's next?  Will they get rid of: (1) Our Indian logo?  (2) Our Warrior name?  (3) Our official school seal featuring the explorer Fr. Marquette and his Indian guide? (4) What about the name Marquette University itself?

Bubble Reputations

Mark Twain wrote that if you “give a man a reputation as an early riser, he can sleep til noon.”

These types of bubble reputations are how Christopher Hitchens picked his targets, including Mother Teresa and Princess Diana.  Well, there are two other bubble reputations that need to be pricked, as Hitchens would say. Those reputations belong to basketball star LeBron James and women's tennis great Serena Williams.

Baseball, Subs, and F-Bombs

Knightly enjoys a sub

I absolutely loved Tommy Lasorda subs in the late 90s.  With all due respect to Hungry Head -- Kenosha's oldest and finest sub shop -- few things were as enjoyable as going to Tommy Lasorda's Dugout on 22nd Avenue for a delicious sub made fresh, right in front of your eyes.  I recently tried to replicate the experience from memory using store-bought ingredients, but my attempt fell flat.  My effort was, at best, a foul tip.

Much like a home run ball, Tommy Lasorda's Dugout is long gone.  Last I read, the chain went out of business which proves, much like the old Betamax, that the best products don't necessarily survive.  But thanks to two email attachments I recently received from the Irreverent Lawyer, we can still enjoy some absolutely amazing clips of the legend Tommy Lasorda himself.  

Enough of Sister Jean

Surprisingly, I find my March Madness experience being dampened by an underdog.  Not an underdog that knocked my beloved Marquette out of the tournament.  (My Warrior-Eagles didn't even make the Big Dance this year).  Rather, it's eleven-seed Loyola-Chicago, an underdog I would normally cheer for if not for the media's constant and inane coverage of "Sister Jean."

Today, for example, the babbling Dick Vitale took the hype to a new level.  Of course there was the usual allusion to "the power of prayer," as if the woman who didn't even pick her own team, Loyola-Chicago, to get past the Sweet 16 somehow has the ear of a supreme being.  But Dick -- an annoying but knowledgeable college basketball analyst -- now says (hopefully jokingly) that he relies on her for "scouting reports" and even wants to cast his wife aside so he can "date" Sister Jean.  And of course, Dick declares that she'll be a "major factor in the game" tonight against Michigan.

Roger Federer, Michael Cicchini, and Pennsylvania’s Burden of Proof

“Roger Federer is a better tennis player than Michael Cicchini.”  While that statement is true, it doesn’t really say anything.  It tells you nothing about how good Roger Federer is (or how bad I am) at tennis.  So at best, it’s a meaningless statement.  And if you don’t know much about the sport to begin with, the sentence is worse than meaningless.  It’s grossly misleading.  Why?  Because it gives the impression that Roger Federer and yours truly are somehow comparable or at least part of the same tennis universe.  If we weren’t, why would we be compared to one another?  After all, no one ever bothers to say that a Ferrari is faster than a Yugo or that Cal Tech offers a better physics education than Wisconsin’s Gateway Tech, even though both claims are true.  Yet, this type of highly misleading comparison is found at the heart of something far more important than tennis, cars, and even physics: Pennsylvania’s burden of proof jury instruction in criminal cases. 

Is the Marquette Golden Eagle an Endangered Species?

Much like the Golden State Warriors of the NBA, the Marquette Warriors were once the coolest name in their sport.  (And Marquette also had a history of being one of the most progressive teams in recruiting, in fashion, and in flat-out sticking it to the man.)  I was a Warrior in my graduate school days, before law school, back in the early 1990s.  But then in 1994, Marquette made the switch to probably the most common, generic nickname in college sports: the Golden Eagles.  Don’t get me wrong, I’ve come to really like the Eagle, particularly after it evolved into its current form (pictured left).  It is probably the best bird logo in college sports: a cool, aggressive, and determined looking bird that is ready to get to business, stat.  And I still love my Marquette hoops—even post-Dwyane Wade, it is the bright spot during our long, cold Wisconsin winters.  But when Marquette changed its name from Warriors to Golden Eagles back in '94, I pointed out the absurdity of the thought process behind the move.  Now, that thought process has spread like a virus and no mascot (or person) is safe.

Bases covered

My monthly issue of the State Bar’s Wisconsin Lawyer went in the trash a little sooner than it normally does.  It wasn’t some overused top-ten title — like, “the top ten ways to upset your judge,” or “don’t do these ten things if you want to keep your judge happy” — that turned me off.  In fact, there might have even be some good material in it.  But I wouldn’t know because I never got that far.  Instead, I was completely grossed out by the cover.  For some reason, it featured a child’s bare feet, large as life, and I just couldn’t get beyond that.  To leave this monstrosity sitting out on my coffee table — even if only to collect dust — was simply not an option.

Thank the Marquette Warriors for March Madness

Only fifteen teams have won multiple national titles.  In this year’s Final Four, Oregon will be going for its second, North Carolina for its sixth.  But March wasn't always Mad, and the tournament wasn't always “the tournament.”  When Oregon won its first title in 1939, the Big Dance was anything but: it was an eight-team field played in a tiny gym with only a couple thousand fans in attendance.  And for many decades, the NIT was the more prestigious tournament.  The NIT fielded more teams and better teams, and it was played in a high-profile venue at Madison Square Garden.  Well into the 1970s, getting much-desired media coverage and good recruits depended on getting into the NIT and being seen in New York.

"Roger that"

I don't care much (or at all) for the NFL, and I didn't have much of an opinion on Tom Brady until the super bowl when he threw that pick-six.  The impressive thing was that, after he threw it, he dove to try to stop the much more athletic defensive player from scoring.  As a viewer, I genuinely appreciated the effort.  And even though Brady didn't come close to stopping the touchdown -- he looked well out of his depth trying tackle a superior athlete -- he did go on to win the super bowl MVP (again) by leading the biggest comeback in the game's history.

Despite not being a fan of Brady's until (oddly) that pick-six, I had been routing for him in his fight against Roger Goodell in the deflate-gate fiasco.  And there was good reason to do so, as there was certainly a lot of evidence on Brady's side.  Granted, a Brady win in court would not have been like an indigent defendant winning a criminal jury trial.  Rather, a Brady win in court would have been more like "the man" sticking it to "THE MAN."  But still . . .

Anyway, Brady did beat Roger but only temporarily -- or so it seemed.  It turns out that Brady got the last laugh in the end.  Despite serving a four-game suspension earlier this year, he won the super bowl.  He won the MVP in the super bowl.  Roger was forced to praise him in public and present him with his trophies.  And then Brady got to run this post-game commercial. 

         

The Joe Mixon Video

I just saw the Joe Mixon video on Sports Center, and it’s also available here.  I wish they would have discussed two things.  First, Mixon starts to walk away at which point the victim appears to say something to him, pushes him, and then smacks him in the side of the head — all before he strikes her.  Maybe it’s just the criminal defense lawyer in me, but I’d like to hear a debate about what type of response, if any, would have qualified as reasonably necessary to terminate her unlawful interference with his person.  (As an example of a self-defense statute, Wisconsin’s is here.)  Would a shove have been okay?  What if the shove was forceful enough to put her on the ground but did not cause any injury?  Second, according to Sports Center, Mixon “pleaded guilty to the charge without making an admission of guilt.”  How can a person plead guilty without admitting guilt?  Isn’t that what a no contest plea accomplishes?  (This is either bad reporting or a quirk in Oklahoma law.)  Finally, an observation.  From a purely practical standpoint, there’s a lesson here that should not be overlooked: If you don’t push and smack a person in the head, you will dramatically decrease your odds of getting knocked out.  You know, an ounce of prevention and all that.

Race matters in eyewitness identifications

By now, most people have seen the video of former professional tennis player James Blake being roughed up by a New York cop in a case of mistaken identification.  (If you’re familiar with names like Agassi, Sampras, and Federer but haven’t heard of Blake, the guy was not a superstar but he was legit; he earned more than $1 million in prize money alone in 2008.)  And once this video surfaced, several worthwhile issues have been raised, including police brutality, police cover-ups, and disparate treatment of minorities.  But two topics have largely been glossed over.

Big Ten conference to dissolve, Rose Bowl to terminate, sky to fall

"Really, Jim?"

A group of college football players at Northwestern recently won the right to unionize and negotiate for better working conditions, health insurance, scholarship terms, and other forms of pay and benefits.  Essentially, the athletes were deemed to be “employees.” This makes sense, of course, as they are under the university’s control, provide a service to the university, produce millions of dollars in revenue for the university, and receive benefits, including tuition and books, in return.  (The fact that they’re paid in goods and services, instead of cash, shouldn’t turn them into non-employees.)  According to this ESPN report, however, the Big Ten’s Jim Delany says that if the schools actually have to pay their athletes, the conference will dissolve and it will also bring an end to the traditional Rose Bowl matchup between the Big Ten and Pac 12 champions.  Really, Jim?

The dogs have their day

Knightly (pictured) wears his Husky hat while watching Monday night's NCAA championship game. Knightly's dogs (the UConn Huskies) beat Kentucky's Wild Cats in an exciting, fairly well-officiated game. Congrats to the Huskies on another championship -- a championship won largely because their fast, aggressive, and undersized guards controlled the game. Guard Shabazz Napier, who won the tourney MVP in Kemba-Walker fashion, then stuck it to the NCAA in post-game comments. Fight the man!

In related news, the only thing certain about the now-famous $1 billion dollar bracket challenge from Warren Buffet was that no one would win it. However, there were still several $100,000 prizes given out to the top brackets. (You don't have to run faster than the bear; you just have to run faster than the other guy who is also running from the bear.) I entered a bracket, but didn't come close to winning one of those prizes. But when I filled out my bracket, I distinctly remember thinking: "This is odd. Did my bracket 'take'? Why is the program not confirming whether my bracket is complete?" And now, one Husky fan might have missed out on a $100,000 prize for this very reason: he allegedly didn't complete his bracket, and left the championship game undecided after picking the Final 4 and then the final two.  He could very well have run into the same problem I ran into. (It didn't matter for me, as I was never close to a prize.)  If Buffet is wise, he'll use this as a marketing opportunity for his company and add an extra $100,000 prize for this guy. The advertising and goodwill it would generate would pay for the extra $100,000 in mere seconds.    

Observations on March Madness

Marquette could have used me this year.

The month-long celebration of college basketball is here.  Conference regular season champions have been crowned, conference tourneys are wrapping up, and tomorrow is Selection Sunday for the NCAA tourney.  It’s the time of year where giants are humbled, where 5-seeds come out of nowhere to become Horizon League champs and crash the Big Dance (congrats Milwaukee Panthers), and where Bill Raftery yells things like “organize the puppies – nylon delivery!”  But even the most wonderful time of the year can be improved.  Below are some thoughts for fans, coaches, players, and especially the zebras. 

NCAA disbands selection committee, defers to Joe Lunardi

For its 2014 men’s college basketball tournament, also known as “March Madness,” the NCAA has announced a major change in its selection and seeding process.  Philip Timmerman, the NCAA’s Director of Tournament Seeding, stated that this year “the selection committee will be disbanded, and the NCAA will simply defer to the selection, seeding, and placement decisions of Joe Lunardi.”

Joe Lunardi is an ESPN analyst who, in recent years, has predicted the tournament field with surprising accuracy.  “In most years, Lunardi was already predicting 63 or 64 teams of the then 65-team field, and was also amazingly accurate on both seeding and geographic placement of those teams,” Timmerman stated.  “It doesn’t make sense for the selection committee to continue to meet in a small conference room year after year, just to keep reinventing the wheel.  We always end up doing what Lunardi recommends anyway.  Or maybe it was like he was reading our minds and just beating us to the punch.  Regardless, this change will streamline the entire selection and seeding process.”

Why isn’t there a major in “college athletics”?

I’m kind of torn on the so-called student-athlete.  On the one hand, I like to joke about the title — for the most part, we all know that they’re athletes and not really students, right?  But on the other hand, the student-athlete probably isn’t much worse than the typical student at many schools.  (It’s just that non-athlete students aren’t thrust in front of the camera every Saturday afternoon after the game, so we don’t get to see and hear them.)  And then, when I saw an article about what some kids are able to study in order to earn a degree, I started to appreciate the student-athlete even more.

MU leaves the Big East!

Congratulations to Marquette, Seton Hall, Georgetown, Villanova, St. John's, Providence, and DePaul -- the Big East's basketball only schools -- for finally leaving the conference! (Knightly, left, is thrilled with the news.)  For these basketball schools, it puts an end to the ship-jumping and conference realignment forced on them by football schools chasing an extra buck of television revenue while destroying their historical, regional rivalries in the process.  I've been hoping for this break-away for years, and wrote about it more than a year ago.  Hopefully this group of seven will pick up three more schools from the region to form a nice, ten-team league with each team playing every other team twice -- once at home and once on the road.  These are exciting times for fans of the seven schools.  It's like March Madness, but in December.            

A satirical take on college bowl games: Area doctor launches “Don’t Overeat Bowl”

Bowl games aren’t just for the big corporations and not-for-profits anymore.  Area doctor Joseph Mathew has just announced the Joseph Mathew Don’t Overeat Bowl, which will be played next year after the PoppaJohns.com Bowl and before the Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl.  The Don’t Overeat Bowl will be held in Springfield Memorial Park Stadium, located in Dr. Mathews’ home town of Springfield, Illinois, and will feature the sixth team from the Big Ten "Leaders" Division versus the fourth team from the Sun Belt Conference. 

A satirical take on conference realignment: “Big East” changes name to “Big”

Big East Conference commissioner Phillip Bray recently announced a planned Big East expansion, and a corresponding change in conference name.  The league will be dropping the word “East,” and will now simply be known as “Big” or "Big Conference."  Bray attributed the name change to recent conference realignment.  “With the Big East likely to pickup the Big Twelve Conference leftovers of Kansas, Kansas State, Iowa State, and Baylor, the name ‘Big East’ is no longer accurate, honest, or ethical,” Bray insisted.