Tuesday, September 20, 2011

A satirical take on conference realignment: “Big East” changes name to “Big”

Big East Conference commissioner Phillip Bray recently announced a planned Big East expansion, and a corresponding change in conference name.  The league will be dropping the word “East,” and will now simply be known as “Big” or "Big Conference."  Bray attributed the name change to recent conference realignment.  “With the Big East likely to pickup the Big Twelve Conference leftovers of Kansas, Kansas State, Iowa State, and Baylor, the name ‘Big East’ is no longer accurate, honest, or ethical,” Bray insisted.

Bray was referring, of course, to the dramatic geographic diversity of his new league.  If Kansas, Kansas State, Iowa State and Baylor do, in fact, join the Big East, the conference would span too far west and south to retain the word “East” in its name.

“We were pushing it when we added schools like Marquette and DePaul, yet kept the name ‘Big East,’” Bray said.  "But adding a school in Texas pretty much precludes the continued use of the word 'East' in our name.  We are now taking more of a truth-telling approach to our conference name.  Much like the Pac-10-12-16, we prefer accuracy over deception.  We’re still ‘Big,’ but we’re no longer just in the ‘East.’”   

Bray’s use of the word “deception,” of course, was referring to the Big Ten Conference which has misled college football fans since the acquisition of Penn State as its eleventh team decades ago.  “Since that time,” Bray insists, “their deception has only grown.  How can they now have twelve teams yet continue to call themselves the ‘Big Ten’?" Bray asked rhetorically.  "They want the best of both worlds, and it’s not ethical to do it that way.”

Bray also added that the Big Twelve Conference’s deception was even worse than the Big Ten’s.  “When your name is the ‘Big Twelve,’ yet you have only ten teams, that’s the equivalent of false advertising and is morally reprehensible.”  Bray also insisted that the “so-called Big Twelve” is finally getting what it deserves: “The Pac-10-12-16, the SEC, and now the Big East are serving the Big Twelve its just deserts.”

-- Michael Cicchini holds two degrees from Big East school Marquette, and is a Big East fan.  He hopes the league resists the conference expansion craze and instead contracts to a basketball-only league consisting of Marquette, DePaul, Villanova, Georgetown, St. John’s, Notre Dame, Providence and Seton Hall

No comments:

Post a Comment