Saturday, January 14, 2012

A satirical take on college bowl games: Area doctor launches “Don’t Overeat Bowl”

Bowl games aren’t just for the big corporations and not-for-profits anymore.  Area doctor Joseph Mathew has just announced the Joseph Mathew Dont Overeat Bowl, which will be played next year after the Bowl and before the Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl.  The Dont Overeat Bowl will be held in Springfield Memorial Park Stadium, located in Dr. Mathews’ home town of Springfield, Illinois, and will feature the sixth team from the Big Ten "Leaders" Division versus the fourth team from the Sun Belt Conference.  

Early tax and other not-for-profit filings indicate that teams, through their conferences, have already guaranteed the purchase of all available tickets at face value, and in return have agreed to accept a symbolic bowl payout of $1.00.  Filings also indicate that Dr. Mathew will receive a $275,000 salary from the not-for-profit bowl game, while Keith Rindahl, who is Dr. Mathew’s “Director of Cheerleader Relations for Participating Schools,” will receive a $165,000 salary.

When reached for comment, Dr. Mathew was thrilled with the addition of his bowl game, and strongly opposed a playoff system for college football.  “This is what it’s all about,” Dr. Mathew reported.  “The five-or-so week break between the regular season and the bowls guarantees ample time for academics—after all, these are student athletes, with the emphasis on ‘student’—and we also get to raise awareness of adult onset obesity, which is a huge problem in this country.”  Rindahl, who was on holiday in Nicaragua, could not be reached for comment.  However, through his agent, he said that he opposes "both adult onset obesity and a playoff system," and is excited to be associated with the Don't Overeat Bowl.  Hostess Brands Inc., the maker of the snack foods Twinkies and Ding Dongs, will be the bowl’s primary financial sponsor.  

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